Here’s a fun fact: I’ve not always been what you would call a “good” man. Scratch that, let me rephrase it:

I’ll never be a “perfect” man.

If one was to hand me a checkbox list of every sin you can imagine, there’s a good chance that I would hand that list back to you with a nearly perfect score.

I’m not proud of that fact.

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with an old acquaintance, and I apologized for the things that I had done in my youth. I had done wrong, and I sat with this apology for close to twenty years.

Over those years, I tormented myself with “what ifs”, questioning how their reaction would be, and if it would even be worth it to even broach the subject of an apology. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, after all, and I wondered if I was walking into a firefight armed with a plastic butter knife. Despite the fear, I reached out to them.

Finally, the moment came. I typed the message, erased the message, typed it again, and…erased it again. This happened six or seven times before my nerves finally allowed me to hit send. To say that I was riddled with fear was an understatement. Here I was, apologizing for a wrong that I had committed almost two decades ago, and potentially opening an old wound. How would I feel if/when I received the epic, paragraphs long, ass chewing that I felt that I deserved?

And then, I saw the three dots appear on the screen.

Pucker factor of 1000. Had it not been for my pants, I would’ve been vacuum sealed to the leather seat. I was bracing for impact.

“You’re okay. Thank you.”

That was the response. Four words. No explosion, no paragraphs, no name calling, screaming, or decimation, just…acknowledgement.

Twenty years. I spent twenty years of my life formulating what I would say, and wondering if I could even be forgiven.

I won’t lie, I still don’t know how to comprehend that response. Instead of the confrontation that I had spent twenty years anticipating, there was understanding.

I’m still speechless.

I will never be a perfect man, the world will never be a perfect place. Sometimes the thing weighing you down can be solved with four words.

And sometimes, we don’t know how to handle forgiveness.

Here’s to hoping that I learn how to.